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The concepts of being “seen, safe, secure, and soothed” correlate with the theory of attachment and emotional regulation, suggesting that when individuals feel these sensations, they can develop a sense of resilience and emotional well-being. These feelings can be especially pertinent when it comes to coping with emotions like shame.
1. Seen: To be “seen” means to be acknowledged, recognized, and understood by others. When individuals feel seen, they believe their feelings and experiences are valid. In the context of shame, being seen can mean having others recognize the pain and internal turmoil, which can be a first step in healing.
2. Safe: Safety is paramount, not just in a physical sense but emotionally and psychologically. When people feel safe, they’re more likely to open up, be vulnerable, and share their feelings. For someone grappling with shame, feeling safe can mean being in an environment where they aren’t judged or criticized for their feelings or experiences.
3. Secure: Security can be thought of as stability and consistency. When people feel secure, they know they have a support system that won’t abandon or reject them, regardless of their struggles. With regards to shame, a sense of security can provide the foundation for individuals to confront and process their feelings without fear of repercussions.
4. Soothed: Being soothed implies comfort and relief from distress. It’s the feeling of being calmed during moments of emotional turmoil. For those facing shame, being soothed can help in diminishing the intensity of the emotion and providing clarity.
Looking at the film “The Karate Kid,” the protagonist, Daniel, moves to a new town and faces bullying, feelings of isolation, and external and internal challenges. The relationship he forms with Mr. Miyagi, his mentor, can be viewed through the lens of these concepts:
– Seen: Mr. Miyagi recognizes Daniel’s struggles and provides him with validation.
– Safe: Daniel finds a safe haven with Mr. Miyagi, away from his bullies and an environment where he can learn without judgment.
– Secure: The consistency of Mr. Miyagi’s teachings and presence provides Daniel with a sense of security.
– Soothed: Mr. Miyagi offers comfort, wisdom, and perspective that soothe Daniel’s distress and emotional turmoil.
In the process of learning karate, Daniel not only gains physical skills but also a deeper understanding of himself, confidence, and resilience. This journey aids him in confronting his feelings, including any underlying shame from being bullied or feeling out of place. The film subtly conveys the power of mentorship, resilience, and the impact of being seen, safe, secure, and soothed on an individual’s emotional well-being.
Thinking Feeling Being
We support people and organisations achieve their goals through facilitation, workshops, mentoring, mediation and sharing change resources
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