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Lived Experience, Truth, and the Art of Asking Better Questions
One of the challenges we face today is the tension between lived experience and broader truth.
An individual’s lived experience is real and meaningful. It shapes their identity, their values, and how they respond to the world. To marginalise or trivialise it undermines not only their perspective but also the possibility of a constructive conversation.
At the same time, one person’s experience may not represent the wider population. Increasingly, in media and society, we see the shift where the story is less about what happened and more about how people reacted. In that context, one account risks becoming the news item—when in reality, the bigger picture involves multiple perspectives.
This leaves us with a conundrum: how do we value lived experience while also recognising that it’s only one part of the truth?
Fact and Feeling
The key lies in recognising the difference between:
What happened (fact, observable event)
How it happened (context, process)
How it affected someone (emotion, interpretation)
Each is valid, but each tells a different story. Too often, we conflate them in everyday conversation. If we ask “Why did you do that?” people may feel defensive, as if their identity is under attack. If instead we ask “What actually happened?” or “How did that affect you?”, we invite dialogue without judgement.
Ways and Means for Better Conversations
1. Differentiate questions clearly
Who, what, when, where → establish facts
How → explore process and impact
Why → use cautiously; it can trigger defensiveness
2. Blend perspectives
Capture lived experience to understand impact
Compare with data, evidence, and other perspectives
Look for patterns, not just single points of view
3. Value both qualitative and quantitative feedback
Stories give depth and empathy
Data provides context and balance
Together, they create a fuller picture
4. Avoid binary framing
It’s rarely as simple as right/wrong or true/false
Allow for nuance, multiple truths, and evolving understanding
5. Create psychological safety
Ensure people feel listened to and respected
Make it clear their experience is valued, even if it’s one of many perspectives
Final Thoughts
To truly understand complex issues, we need to hold two truths at once: the individual experience and the broader context. By asking better questions—separating fact from feeling, and exploring both—we can build conversations that are both empathetic and evidence-based.
In the end, it’s not about choosing between science and lived experience. It’s about blending the two, so we understand not just what happened, but also how it mattered.
